Evolving as a GTA: Teaching, Performing and Identity

Abstract

In this critical reflection, I will explore the role of identity and performance in shaping my evolution from a novice to an expert GTA. Most early-career GTAs lack confidence in their instructional abilities, but for those who are a minority in academia, this can be compounded by questions about what ‘bringing their whole self to work’ looks like. I initially approached teaching as a performance in which I had to play the role of a ‘neutral’, omniscient guide, masking aspects of myself to maintain perceived authority. As discussed by Lauren Berlant in On the Inconvenience of Other People (2022), the performance of teaching became dissociative, and I constrained myself to teaching the topics I found most straightforward to teach. As my teaching experience grew, I began to branch out from teaching mathematics to (geo)physics, and from small group tutorials to field- classes and lectures. In doing this, I developed not only practical strategies for different scenarios, but also a deeper understanding of how my personal identity as queer and disabled shapes my teaching style. I realised that whilst teaching is in some sense performative, performative need not mean inauthentic or ‘perfect’. By unmasking, I was able to connect better with students and became a more effective teacher. Using milestones and different experiences in my GTA journey as vignettes, I will argue that the evolution from novice to expert is not simply about mastering content or classroom management, but also about learning to teach authentically. I therefore suggest that GTA training ought to recognise how GTAs’ lived experiences can enrich their teaching practice and should support GTAs to develop tools to be as authentic as they wish in their teaching practice.